A Reminder to Promise

It is weekends like this that make me have to stop and re-read this Marine's Promise we keep on the side of our fridge. 

Ben printed it out and put it on our fridge forever ago, before we were married, to help me try and understand this life I was getting into. I have moved it from house to house with us.

He didn't write it. I'm not sure where he found it. 

When I am sad and missing him, or angry he is not home helping me deal with all these hardships life throws, or lost on what to do, or just overall confused as to why sometimes we live this life, I stop and read it.

And I cry.

But I am reminded in reading it why God put me in this mans life. 

He needs me as much as I need him. 

He needs me to hold down the house while he is away. 

He needs me to understand why he does this job. 

He needs me to be strong.

We talked about it this past week in Bible study,  God always, has a bigger plan for our lives than we do. It is not a coincidence that many of the military wives and girlfriends I know are the strongest, most badass, independent, type-A women in the world. God knows what he is doing when he pairs these Marines with their loves. 

Now, this weekend has no significance to me and Ben, it is just the first time since being back from deployment he has been away and I am back in auto pilot.
My sister-in-law's dad is very, very ill and she is traveling back to Columbia to be with him and her family.
The last two This Is Us episode really had an impact on me.

And well for a lot of people the month of February can be a hard one with Valentine's Day.
My grandfather passed away on Valentine's Day, so I have never been much of a fan. 

Also, several of my girlfriends husbands just deployed, a deployment my friend Dietrich should be on, along with the six other men who died in the KC-130 plane crash on July 10, 2017, seven months ago. 

Many have forgotten and moved on with their lives, but most of us still are living in this tragedy.

Ben purchased Dietrich's bike and it is back in our garage, just where it sat for over two years before he moved into his own house. 
Ben and I both said we like seeing it there when we open the garage door. It is comforting to us because it reminds us of the so many times when Dietrich would come over to go for a ride and beg me to let Ben go with him, and every time after they got back from riding he would always stay for dinner. I loved cooking for him. That boy would eat anything, even my new wife cooking.

Seeing it there however, also reminds us everyday that he is not. 

I know the wives of all the men are deeply struggling, and they will be for a long time.
Their "normal" is gone. They don't know how to be without their husbands. 

I know God had a reason and when I finally meet him that will definitely be my first question. Why? 

But I have to have faith that He knows these beautiful amazing women, the women He put into these brave mens lives, are strong enough to handle the immense heartbreak they will forever carry around with them. 

I think about them everyday.
 I think about Dietrich everyday. 

A lot of us in Dietrich's fan club say WWDD -What Would Dietrich Do?
And oh it is so very true when it comes to many opportunities and situations in life.

But for a stay at home mom and marine wife like me, who doesn't get as many opportunities as D had to skydive, or drink tequila.

 I usually find myself asking everyday, what would those wives do?

Would they be yelling at their husband to pick up his clothes? Would they be picking a fight over changing one of their kids? Would they be mad at them for buying something not in the budget?

If they had one more day with their husbands, none of that would matter.
So why does it matter now?

You guys, it doesn't!
None of that matters!

I think about the fact that my husband is alive and I don't want to spend one more second wasting time fighting over the damn dishes.

I tell Ben more often how much I love him.
I stop and hug him more. 
I make sure to kiss him every time he walks away from me.

I tell him how blessed I am he loves me.

He is my number one fan.
{The second question, I will be asking God is why He gave me this amazing man to be mine because I do not deserve him.}