it's a Lee life: #ullybaby

I haven't been able to write this post yet.
But when your husband sends you a text from his flight saying

"I sat next to a kid who just turned 2. Talked the whole time made me so sad."

I knew I was ready to share our story.

When Ulric hit a year old he wasn't speaking any words. Not "da-da". No "ma-mas". And nope not even Mickey Mouse.

At his 15 month well check, still nothing.
I had my worries {like all us moms do}.

I talked to Ben about them, my mom, even the pediatrician numerous times.

And everyone assured me, "I wouldn't worry about it, he will talk when he is ready."

But in my gut, I just knew something was wrong with my baby.

Ben left when Ulric was 16 months old, and he still wasn't speaking.

During the course of Ben's deployment, I continued to express how I felt about Ully and his speech.

To be fair to Ben, he wasn't home experiencing what I was seeing and he wasn't around other children Ulric's age enough to know what he should be doing.

Ben did not want to get Ulric evaluated at this time because he just thought it was the speech that concerned me and again said, "Ulric will talk when he is ready, I wouldn't worry about it babe."

For me it was more than the speech though.

It was the constant babbling, the humming noises, the very excited jumping up and down.

It was the fact that Ulric never repeated anything I did.

If you have ever been around toddlers, they are little copy cats.

I mean they imitate everything!
It was the fact that he would start crying hysterically for no reason sometimes.

It was that Ulric would never point at things he wanted.

It was that he never wanted to play a game with me or with any other kids for that matter.

Ulric was totally fine entertaining himself. {My lone wolf, I would say}

It was that he kept wanting to layout alike toys and stack them up, and then would repeat this action over and over for hours.

Maybe one of these things on their own wouldn't be a big deal, but all together I was more than a worried mom. I was terrified.

I couldn't help but blame myself. I was the one home with him everyday.

Did I fail him in some way?

So when Ben got home, we went and had Ulric evaluated with the North Carolina Infant-Toddler Program.

Luckily Ben was able to go with me and my mom was in town to watch Sawyer.

The evaluator asked Ben and I several questions about Ully, watched how he interacted with the toys in the room and even how he interacted with us.
The evaluator got down on the floor and took out specific toys and observed how Ully played with them.

The assessment was broken down into five different categories:

Cognitive

Communication

Motor

Adaptive

Social-Emotional/Behavior.

At the end, he gave us Ulric's scores out of 100.

Ulric's highest score was a 39.

I started crying instantly.

Now, I will say Ben and I did not agree with some of the questions {what two year olds were they polling anyway?}

or to be honest, we didn't know the answers to some of them.

Can he dress himself? I don't know I've never asked.

Can he drink from a straw? I don't know. I've never offered him one.

Can he eat with a spoon or fork? I don't know, he eats finger food mostly or a pouch.

Like I said in my 'Surving Year One with Two' post, I was on auto pilot. I was just going through the motions.

Dressing him because it is what I had been doing for two years, giving him his sippy we had been using forever, and any snack he could eat by himself because I had to feed Sawyer.

Another thing, I never made him ask for anything.

I knew what he wanted when he wanted it so I would just provide it for him.

I didn't know I should be asking him to do these things on his own.

{I mean common sense right?}

He also scored Ulric a 3/100 on his social-emotional/behavior.
Now, if you have ever met my son, the kid is exploding with emotions.

He is literally the happiest kid I know and expresses it with his deep belly laugh on a regular basis.

He will crawl right up in your lap and cuddle with you.

He is always reaching for my hand to hold it.
And he gives the best kisses.

We knew he had a speech delay, we were prepared for that, but finding out he was behind in other areas, that was a hard pill to swallow. He is developmentally delayed in three of the five areas tested.

Ben straight forward asked the evaluator if he thought Ulric was autistic?
"We don't care either way, we just want to give him the best help as soon as possible."

Due to the evaluators credentials, he could not professionally say,
but said it was something for us to keep in the back of our minds...

More tears.
And panic.

So what do I do as soon as we get home?

Make ALL the lists of things we should be doing.

Put up signs around the house to remind us. {and laminate them of course}

Order anything on Amazon Prime to help make him more independent.
{Cups with straws. Easy to hold utensils. Step stool for every room.}

Buy all the flashcards available. {and make them Mickey}

I even started watching the television show Parenthood, because I just wanted to feel connected to other parents dealing with the similar struggles.

It has only been a month since the evaluation and Ulric has made AMAZING strides!

He washes his hands before meals, drinks from a straw just fine, uses a spoon and fork to eat with, he can put his pants on and pull his shirt over his head, he signs 'more', 'please', and 'thank you' {with some encouragement}, he turns off his bedroom light, he brushes his teeth by himself...

{I mean, again, common sense right?}

But for a worried mom like me, those little things mean so much.

None of this happened over night. It has been a long, frustrating, exhausting four weeks.
But what wouldn't you do for your kid right?

Ulric is beginning occupational and speech therapy next month.

He will start day care in February for two days a week.

And we set a goal for him to start speaking within the next six months.

We still are not sure how to exactly explain it to friends and family.
Ben hates labels to begin with and to be honest I hate the word delay.

So for me, I like to say that Ulric has his own rhythm.
The definition is perfect for my #ullybaby.

rhythm [rith-uh m]
a strong, regular, repeated pattern of movement or sound

And I thank God he made me Ulric's mom to watch the performance of his life.

I see you mom trying to talk to your child and getting no response.

I see you mom desperate for your child to look you in the eyes.

I see you mom wanting to play with your kid only for them to walk away.

I see you mom telling your child to be quiet because you cannot handle the consistent noises they make.

I see you mom constantly comparing your child to others their age.

I see you mom googling endlessly in the middle of the night.

I see you mom loosing your patience because your child just won't 'sign' back to you for the millionth time.

I see you mom watching your husband struggle with the hardships, not knowing how to help his family.

I see you mom trying to read to your child but they won't point to the pictures.

I see you mom hesitant to go places because you are worried how your child will act.

I see you mom knowing your child understands but won't reply back.
I see you mom trying to explain to a stranger why your child is not answering them back at the supermarket.

I see you mom punishing yourself when you get frustrated.

I see you mom crying alone because you don't know what more you can do.

I see you mom getting excited when your child learns something new.

I see you mom buying all the flashcards.

I see you mom over articulating every word you say.

I see you mom pointing to everything you see in hopes your child points too.

I see you mom describing the daily activities like a narrator.

I see you mom working with the speech therapists.

I see you mom calling every daycare around for a spot for your child.

I see you mom making lists all day long.

I see you mom sitting down for a moment only to worry you should be doing something.

I see you mom protecting your child more than normal because others do not understand their rhythm.

I see you mom worrying for your child's future.

I see you mom loving on your child endlessly.

I see you mom determined to help your child ANYWAY possible.

I see you mom, I am you.